im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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