Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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