You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
