Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
