Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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