it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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