John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
