weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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