All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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