5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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