hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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