It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
