its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
