none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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