Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
