I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there is glitter all over my balls
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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