sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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