He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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