A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
