he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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