Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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