Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
