Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
