seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
