I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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