we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Swine flu is the new snow day.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
