and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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