she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
