Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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