The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
