So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
