I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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