none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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