Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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