Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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