last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
