My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
