I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
