$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
