I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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