Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
