my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
