Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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