I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
