I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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