who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
