can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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