don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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