Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we made out on top of his cat.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
