I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i think im in europe. pls send help
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
