I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
