I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
