Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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