..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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