I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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