i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
