I faked an abortion last night.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
