you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
