So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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