I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
