Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
