Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
