i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
