i wish my penis had a tongue
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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