i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
