Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
