I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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