I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
