So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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