you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
