so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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