why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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