I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
