When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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