So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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