this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
