This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize