Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
