Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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