took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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