she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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