Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
