Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
