Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
