I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
