He uses pillows to masturbate.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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