shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
