I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
